When I look at my children I can't help but visualize a score board that tracks good and bad behavior. Picked up your room, check. Cleared the table, check. Stole candy into your bed and then forgot to eat it so it melted into your sheets, big double x.
Yesterday we had a party for ten. It was a homemade birthday bash, with a water, pizza, bubbles, ice cream sundaes, and games. The birthday girl was wracking up all sorts of checks for being a great hostess and friend. Then the big NO came down from my on high. "NO, you can't ride your bike now. You have guests."
She went from friend to sulking slug in less time that it took for me to type this sentence. The invited guests became concerned, and circled their loving wagons. She pushed them off and ran to the far end of the yard, where they tried again to console her. She railed against them again. Not wanting to cause a scene I got bubbles out and advised our guests to let things lie. "It's not you, or anything you have done."
Somberly the party proceeded. Inside my head, I was livid. Screams of no more parties, ever, rang between my ears. Afterwards we didn't discuss it more than my relating the party details to dad.
And now, after a cooling night's sleep I'm see the other heavier side of the scale.
For the majority of the party the little hostess was: gracious, happy, sharing, not whining, playful, and cooperative. At the end of the party she was able to come out of her self imposed exile and help with the tangle in the zip line.
For a minority of the party she sulked.
Will there be other parties? More than likely. But with few friends and less time. And next time, maybe we'll have them bring their bikes over.
In raising children, I find not only do the children have to learn and relearn how to behave, but as a parent I have to learn and relearn how to look at an entire situation, and not become hyper focused.
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