Sometimes...

And then sometimes it is because I have too much on my plates. Not just one plate but many.

Two nights ago I gave notice. I won't be teaching religious education next year. This morning I fired off and email to head up some of the extra activities involved with Youth Ministry. It feels right.

I would be perfect if I were....

Many years ago I was told I would have been perfect if I were thinner. Warned never to become overweight.

And then I was warned that I would be perfect if I didn't work so hard at my goals. Stop pressing towards graduation. For it would show everyone just how smart I really am.

Years later I am told I would be perfect if I were different. You know, not who I am. Hard to pinpoint that advice, but we can say unwanted, unloved and unlovable.

And recently I was advised that I would be perfect if I would be (excuse the language) more of an ass kisser. You know, placating. Not that I'm not already dedicated, hardworking, generous, helpful, punctual, exacting with figures and money, relentless with computer issues, warm with a very clear sense of customer service.

Interesting advice...

What have I learned at 53 years old? I've been brutally hurt in the past. And unfounded words burn in old wounds. I've carried soul breaking emotional baggage for years now. And the best advice I can internalize is that I will be perfect when I leave that baggage behind.

For really, I am perfect just as I am.

Today Be Positive

For What You Do Matters

Don't tell them they can't?

For, by their determination, they show you they can. Now, don't tell yourself you can't.

Men, do you see the winner?

Same solution as for the women. The answer is in the mirror. Still it takes effort. It takes teamwork. It takes commitment.

The Female Elite

Run. Ladies. Run.
On the other hand... We all are elite.
Can you pick out the female winner of the Boston Marathon?
What about the winner of your life?
Check out a mirror. She is in there.

Word To Love By

Happy Easter

May the blessings of our risen Lord be with you always.

Now I Know

When I am with my children all I want to do is be with them. Next to them. Hugging them.

This morning, as every time we see each other, Gully was all there. Had to be next to me. Touching me. Ever close.

I now know what receiving that love feels like. To be that loved, that wanted, that you have to be that close.

And as much as that is, God loves each of us more.

How do you like your people?

Weak or Strong?

Rhubarb

The rhubarb is growing.

Fifteen years ago I bought a rhubarb plant but it never thrived, despite all that did I for it. Sun. Water. Fertilizer. Composite. Eventually it died.

Last year a Vermont neighbor was weeding her garden. On a walk, we offered our hellos from the street. Her reply was if you really want to be neighborly you can help me weed. We stopped. We paused. We weeded.

As we all enjoyed being neighbors and getting to know each other better, compliments to the rhubarb patch were made. Healthy. Great stalk. Beautiful bounty. Next thing we know we are heading home with bags full of some mighty fine roots.

Here is hoping a mighty root stalk will put forth a beautiful harvest.

Rhubarb is so much like life itself.

Spring Forward

Bloom.

Where has the time gone?

Eleven months and counting at the new job. This repurposed and recycled thank you note was left on my desk last week. "Thank you for showing up." That is what I do; show up and pitch in.

Yesterday I was asked to modify a Microsoft Template. My answer, "I don't know how to do that but I'll figure it out and get back to you."

Researched the task last night. Will implement a course of action today.

It's a hokey card. It's a low paying job. I'll never get monetarily rich here, but my daughter will go to college. And I get back so much more for just showing up.

Thank you, Boss.

Would random acts of kindness be random?

If we could see ourselves hurting and down on our luck...

So look who came to our house this afternoon.

Yes the fire department.

I went into the garage to get my bike for a ride and one of out 20 pound LP tanks was leaking via the safety valve. We called. They came and suggested we let it bleed out in the middle of the yard. So that is what we did. I will admit to being nervous. One fireman total me if it explodes it can travel a quarter mile. No backyard fire this evening. That's for sure.

My life is in throwback mode.

Those on Facebook know all about throwback Thursday, where members post old photos. I don't participate but I love to look at these old photos. And lately, with riding my bike to work, I feel my life is in throwback mode. For high school, when not on crutches, I would ride my bike to school. And in graduate school, again I would ride my bike to school/work.

What's happening? My work ethic is in hyper drive. With the same passion I attacked research I'm devouring work, stained glass, my girls, bike riding, my health, my life. Unfortunately... dusting is not making it on that list. With all this activity, I don't feel over 50... Instead I'm feeling closer to graduate school age. Is it possible? Is it real? It certainly is interesting.

Can we love something inanimate? For I certainly love my bike and all the warm and wonderful results that come from riding it.

Has anyone else noticed? My girls have. They are so cute and supportive. And thankfully, I'm able to fly under the radar at work. For even I know it is crazy to be an hourly part time worker, who goes in because there is something not finished. Attacking the task as if it were a research problem needing to be addressed. Getting deliverables mapped out and completed, quietly.

Proof Of Life

Proof Of Love.

Life Meets Blogging

It's funny or maybe timely, when a real time conversation is reiterated in the blog world. A recent conversation with friends and a recent blog post by jeff noel both hit upon working to our potential and the judging of that potential.

Both, for different reasons, resulted in my once again contemplating my bigger life course changing decisions. In the past, when I'd question my path I'd google old friends and to find out they are tenured full professors, CEOs, CSOs, Directors and Vice Presidents. Fancy web pages list their honors and accomplishments. Amazing and quite wonderful actually. Blessings to them. And I am genuinely delighted for them.  

But to that end, I know I'm being the best me I can be. And that will have to do.

Four More Pieces

On Saturday when I worked on this project I broke two of the long pieces when I was attempting to cut them out. Last night they cut without a hitch. I'm thinking white for the two last long pieces and then the fitting.

Will the wolf disappear? Time will tell.

A Dear Friend

Corporal Work of Mercy - Comfort the sick and dying.
(For some electronic reason this photo from last year was saved back onto my phone.) My dear friend Peaches. Matriarch of the farm. Thank you for allowing me to love you.

There And Back Again

The ride into and out of work went great. Thank God. We live on a very busy street but my timing worked out well. Was home in 16 minutes. Can't wait to ride again. It's the prefect way to decompress after work.

Tomorrow...

This is my blog post for tomorrow, Monday, April 7th. Tomorrow I'm riding my trusty bike to work. Leaving early to avoid traffic and to ease into the route. Wish us luck.

Saving the long ones for last

Who doesn't save the toughest pieces for the end?

I love this about my girls.

Happy in the rain or on the dance floor. Rock. On. Ladies.

Rowing Update

With effort there is progress.

How do you know the season is waning?

The ants move in.
Yum yum is that sweet.
Yes, yes it is.

Went to a wake last evening

Our Deacon's wife passed away. She was a wonderfully strong, quiet woman. Always there for others. Her wake was in the church. It started with a lovely prayer service. Then the visitation. Beautiful. Heartfelt. Touching.

What made it special was my daughter, the altar server attended with me. The Deacon is special to her. She sees Christ in him. Will serve when it's not her week, usually, when they are short handed and the Deacon asks her to step up to the plate.

She wanted to be there last night. Wanted to tell the Deacon how sorry she was.

As we shook hands with the family I introduced myself as Patty, I'm Maddy's mom. She serves with Deacon Mannion.

Yes I was there, but more importantly Maddy was there.

It's Just About That Time

When I feel an overwhelming need to walk on a beach. The day doesn't have to be sunny, and warmth is not key. Just walking and discovering what winter deposited. Two years ago, we were lucky enough to get close to some dolphins that had unfortunately stranded themselves. Very interesting. Incredibly smelly.

One of these days...