I am only ONE woman

And I give up.

As I was raking the lawn yesterday I realized that I wasn't cooking dinner. Rake in hand, not hot pad or measuring cup, it dawned on me that when the kiddies and papa came home they would look at me with helpless puppy dog eyes and ask, "What's for dinner?" At this point in time I could offer them 6 bags of yard waste, nothing more.

My life would be worthless. They would question my very right to breathe, for dinner was not waiting for them. Forget the fact that my back was killing me and I couldn't (and still can't) turn my head to the right without my neck muscles complaining adamantly (I've always wanted to use that word.).

The to-do list is endless... or in other words when I get to the end, I will be listless. <-- Is this really a word?

-- finish reupholstering the remaining 2 kitchen chairs
-- paint the kitchen
-- paint the stair trim
-- touch up the paint in the bathroom and mudroom
-- tile behind the stove. (NEVERMIND that -- pick out the tile for behind the stove. Now that would be a good first step.)
-- insulate the downstairs room (HA! I have to wait for the electrician and plumber... ah.. I can let this sit a bit)
-- weed the gardens (A landscaping team would take years just on this one task.)
-- plant the veggie garden
-- plant the apple trees
-- finish your book (Like this will happen)
-- feed the frogs and one remaining tadpole. YES, we have three frogs now and a bull frog tadpole with huge thighs. One frog must have a mental complication. Just looking into the tank causes him to hop, smashing into the glass nose first. His actions kind of remind me of what it's like to be a parent. (Did I write that???)

And when I'm busy chipping away on this list, who's going to cook, do laundry, and clean?

Who will be eating the bonbons?

Life is way too complicated.

Genre Switching

Hummmm.... I don't know if poetry is for me...

The Nobscot Niblets put out a group challenge for us to try writing something different for a change. So out of the hat, I picked poetry. You may have noticed that I'm trying it out here.

Be patient... but not kind. If you hate it, say so.

The only way I learn to be a better writer is through honest criticism. I love it when a usual lover of my written word says, "You know, if you roll these pages up real tight, you can use it to swat flies." Now that's being honest.

You have to love it.

To My Daughter

You were a surprise
Unexpected, unanticipated, a blessing.
I embraced you with a delighted heart.
Bloomed with thoughts of you.
Quietly sat; waiting to feel your movements.
And then the day came, when our eyes met.
I remember that first time.
Holding you, was a love I had never felt before.

Time passes. We grow, we change.
I watched as you took your first steps.
Looking towards independence,
but always coming home.
Sharing your fears, your secrets
Allowing me to see your world
As you grew.

Shyly, you stepped out into the world.
I felt your fear.
As a part of me will always be a part of you.
And this is good. For as you grow, so will I.
And for this, I thank you.
And as you grieve, I will be there to hold you,
love you, for you are mine and I am your
Mother.

And for this, I thank you.

Family

Not by our own device or choice
We are brought into this world.
A soul; a being genetically linked to others.
But separate. Is there love?

Siblings; sparring partners, and best friends
The winds govern the day.
Years of hate, forgotten graveside.
We share one life. A twist of fate,
held together by invisible bonds.

50,098

What is the number of words in my book, Forever Yours, as of finishing this last draft?

Holy Week

It's Holy Week. This is the big one, the reason for the faith. If you only go to church once a year this is the time to go. And wouldn't you know it, they have services tonight, tomorrow, Saturday evening (complete with candles and dripping wax), and then the big Easter Sunday. Come to one, come to them all. It's a festive celebration.

My middle one wants to go tonight. It will be her first Holy Thursday. I'm kind of excited about taking her. She is receiving her First Communion this year so celebrating the Last Supper is a big deal. I will try to hold my expectations in check. After all this is the child that hates church -- go figure. But when I've said to her, "If you don't stop tormenting your sister, I won't take you tonight," the tormenting stops. I wonder if I can use that line all year? Something to consider.

Another thing to consider is The Body. I suggest that every faith-based in Jesus believing person should watch this film. And to cut to the punch, it is a modern day film about the discovery of a crucified body found in a rich man's tomb. And the tomb dates back to the time of Christ. So my big questions, and the questions this film raises are, What if this is/was Jesus? What would this discovery do to your faith?

Being that I've posed these questions, I've had tons of time to think about my answers. Would my faith really change? Would I change? (page down for the spoiler)















Would I change? Would my faith change? I don't think so. In my mind, whether he is the Son of God or not, Jesus was a shining example of how we should treat eachother. According to the bible, he loved everyone, and was not judgemental. Shouldn't this be what we teach our own children? And then, shouldn't our church do the same?

Whatever your faith, belief system, life philosophy, have a wonderful week and may you find celebration in whatever you do.

Where did the time go?

And why is it almost impossible to find Dr. Pepper in liter or less bottles? You would think I was asking for a miracle. But no, all I wanted was a six pack of bottles of Dr. Pepper. Why bottles not cans you ask? Well, when you are driving, a bottle can be closed so it doesn't spill so easily. And we will be driving soon, and caffeine is a requirement for this under taking.

Today I have been out of my house from before 9 a.m. till a short phone conversation ago with BigMama. I called her to complain about running errands. She had been out running errands too. We had actually been in the same store, buying the same items (When I couldn't find the Dr. Pepper in bottles I resorted to picking up some Easter candy.), but at different times. Mind you I already had enough candy to give a mouthful of cavities to the entire population of a medium-sized third world country -- or a large town in Metrowest... you pick.

In the next hour slot, I have to go get the middle one, the younger one and then the older one from their respective schools. Kissing and hugging each one hundred times, and asking for all the details of their day. Then I am hoping I can sit at this blessed computer and type on the old book. I am really hoping I have the last version completed before the driving commences. After all what does one do in a car for 24 hours, but read.

And I have been thinking about my Niblet assignment to write a poem. Early in the morning, when it's just me and birds, I can feel the words coming. They ring quietly in my mind. Someday, I'll have to gently coax them to flow down my arm, and slip into my fingers. Preferably when I'm holding a writing instrument to paper, and not the steering wheel somewhere in the Carolinas.

Why is it?

Whenever I am sitting here writing, I have this overwhelming urge to be eating. I need more self control. I need to finish this book. Otherwise, I'm not going to be able to fit behind my desk.

In this latest rewriting process I've looked over four different reviewers comments. I don't know if I'll be able to hold my head up at writing group anymore. Can you say spell checker? God help me.

And, I have so many errands I need to run today, and all I want to do is sit here and work. I hate it when life interfers with writing. If anyone would like to go to the post office, the office supply store, the pet store, the book store and pick up the kids from school -- give me a call.

I love rewriting

FINALLY, I am back at my book again. It's a blessing and a gift to be rewriting. Will I feel this way in a year or two when I'm still rewriting? Only time will tell. I love asking these questions:

What am I really trying to say here?
What is really going on?
Is this really what my characters are feeling?
Do they really talk like this?
Do I really feel their emotions?

I love slipping out of ptcakes and into my characters. And I really hope they don't use the word really as much as I really do.

I think I'll do a search on really, count them up and delete them all. Really, I will.

Just Because There Is Nothing Written on the Calendar...

does not mean I can run a marathon. Nor can I update a website, swim the harbor, cut felt pieces, or build a playground.

This Winter/Spring we've been hit by more than our share of illness. We're still recovering from the last bout. Scratch that, I'm still recovering. But with the help of the feverish haze I discovered that I let the calendar run my life. I realize that just because there is nothing is recorded as happening every single hour of every single day, my life is still very full, and I should say NO when asked to take on more social responsibilities.

So to this end I'm going to make a list of everything I am currently involved with and then I'm going to downsize. Resign from some, "just say no" to added responsibilities with others.

I'm not super woman.