It's a matter of life or death...

Lately, I've had Peggy D. on my mind.

As an undergrad. close to 30 years ago, I met Peggy. I was a commuter student. She lived in a house right next door to campus. We were in classes together. We became friends; close friends. Friends that would hang out together, study together, party together. She was never Peggy; always Peggy D., bubbly, always smiling, full of life, diagnosed with Lupus.

Lupus, as she described it to me, is a disease where the body believes it is under constant attack by itself. Where one tissue group is labeled an infection and another is the defender; slowly working to eradicate itself.

Most of the time Peggy smiled through a moon face, a side effect of the medication that worked to suppress her immune system. Sometimes it was just her face that would swell, where other times the medication would seemingly blow up her whole body like a water balloon. I remember one afternoon walking up onto her porch to her announcement of, "I have ankles!!" And she did.

There were times when Peggy was too sick to come to school; sometimes for weeks on end. At those times friends would gather at her house, bringing junk food, it's always fun to eat greasy fries in bed, and word of assignments and upcoming tests. Her house, specifically her front porch was more popular than the Student Union.

Time passed, I graduated, and shipped out to grad school in the midwest. Peggy was a year behind me, I can't tell you if she graduated; I don't remember if her illness held her back. Though the next time I have a memory of her was at my wedding, a couple of years later. Her gift was 24 hand painted ceramic Christmas ornaments. And I remember her saying she had plenty of time, ie bed rest, to work on them. To this day, and a divorce later, they are cherished.

Graduate school was all consuming; teaching, classwork, research 24/7. But two incidents stand out in my life, that 22 years of living cannot erase. The first is receiving an invitation to Peggy's wedding. Still a smile spreads across my face when I think about that day. WOW! Peggy D. is getting married. The question was posed, "Are we going?" Will we take the time to drive 24 hours east? The answer came back, "No, there is no time. We will see her when we go back in the summer. It's not convenient now." Sadly, the regret response was replied.

Then less than a year later, the second, when the phone rang with the news, Peggy D. had died. Through the tears, it was suggested we head east for the funeral. And my response, "If you couldn't celebrate her in life, there is no way I'm going to remember her in death."

We've all been there, seen that fancy thick envelope in the mail. Where upon opening a timer goes off. You now have 6 weeks to come up with the perfect excuse not to attend. And we've all been there, the phone rings, sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes not, and the next thing you know there is a mad scramble to find black dress shoes, and clear the family calendar.

What's more important? Will you celebrate life or death?

I recently read the book, Five People You Meet In Heaven. And when it's my time, I hope I'm lucky enough to see Peggy D. In the meantime, we will be happily and delightfully heading south to a niece's wedding.