The pen is mightier than the time out chair

Last week, it became apparent that something had to happen parent - child. And since I can't change the child, and all the nice talking, all the screaming, all the consequences in the world weren't working, I suggested the pen. It was my hope that the word would prove to be more powerful or at least more enlightening than a frayed, and frazzled mother.

My lovely loves to keep track of all that she gets, and all that her siblings get as well. Some of her favorite sayings, used to be:
"She has more."
"I haven't had a cozy yet, and you cozied her twice."
"She had two desserts since last Saturday and I've only managed one that whole time." (It didn't matter she was sick as a dog, and tossing everything she ate... so why waste good dessert when saltines will make the trip equally as well?)

The idea to use the pen, and its sister, the notebook, came to me after her usual shrill litany of haves and have nots that I couldn't substantiate. So I demanded she write down everything that she asks for, the date and time of the request, and every response she gets from me. I told her she needs to prove her case and what better way than to wave cold hard data in my face. "Show me that you don't get what you want. Show me that your needs aren't being met in this house."

Quickly she embraced this empowerment, and set on the counter by the phone, a half used art notepad, and pen. And so, for the last almost a week now, she has been writing things down. In this time period I have handed down the no twice. Once for more potato chips. That got a conditional no, where she had to eat some real food before anymore chips. And the second was for gum, right before dinner. The rest of her requests have been met with a yes. A yes to popcorn while doing homework, a yes to chocolate milk, a yes to a longer cozy, a yes to razzles for a snack, a yes to watching a bit more movie before bed, a yes to putting her hair up in a funky bun, yes, yes, yes. I have not become more lenient, it's been standard mothering according to mom.

The outcome is a more relaxed and confident child. For she has in her own handwriting and spelling, all the proof she needs that she is just as pampered, and loved, and doted over -- as her siblings.

The pen is mightier than the sword, the yelling, the angst, the tears, the lectures, and the time out chair. Thank God for the pen.