Death

I've been thinking about death lately. Not about my own; but others and about fading friendships. And after days of pondering, I think, it all comes back to death being a part of life.

An x-relative passed away this week. An x due to a painful divorce. My entire family, except for me and mine went to the wake and funeral. We didn't go due to the little ones, distance, life here, and basically when that decree went through that was it for me. Call me cold, but I find it hard to camp on both sides of a fence. There was no ill will. There just wasn't anything at all. So, when he passed, I said a prayer, said more than one, wished the best for all, and sent a sympathy card to his daughter.

And all these thoughts reminded me of other deaths, like when friendships dissipate. It starts with unexpected canceling of plans. A quick phone call; sorry can't make it, a promise to call back, and then nothing. At first the space is noticeable, but it gets pushed aside. There's panic and a sense that this can't be happening. And then you grow to expect it. The usual isn't the usual anymore, and life has moved on.

Still I wonder, if things can be made new again. I don't believe in chasing down relationships, forcing myself into the lives of others. It's something to do with that Jonathan Livington Seagull quote about if you love something let it go. If it comes back it's yours, if not -- it never was. So it goes.

And then the flip side, life is a river that carries you along with so many wonderful people. You float along together, riding the rapids, enjoying the eddies, slipping over warm stones, and then the current can take you one way and sends a close friend another. And it's okay -- because that's what life is all about.